Think of the speech as an excuse for hurting you?

Modern people have a very strange phenomenon, which is to treat speech as an advantage. Although this is understandable, after all, in modern society, lies and hypocrisy have become a normal state, so everyone will treat people who speak without turning around as a kind of clear stream. However, many people will use this situation to make their own eyes and uncomfortable, and when I speak very straight, I will be distorted as an excuse to escape from thinking about others. As a result, more and more people are only looking at their own convenience, Oke and emotions can not be controlled, I feel that I pay more and more of my biggest consumers. This is not a true temperament, it is not a simple rate. It is not a frank and straightforward. This is just a selfish person who speaks without the brain, ignores the feelings of others, does not restrain his emotions, does not care about the influence, and unscrupulously only shows himself happy. In the process of growing up, I have never found out that I have talked with myself, how much I have suffered, how much I have suffered, and how much I am hurting myself. Maybe it won’t be annoying, but at least people want to alienate. I often tell my own training instructors that I want to make a good relationship, but how to speak is the key to whether you will have a good relationship. In the process of being a lecturer and running a fan group, I have experienced too many questions. Some questions really make me feel the need to wake up the other person, but I gradually found one thing: when I speak straight We hurt others, but we think we are helping each other. This is why we have justified our speech. If we really want to help each other, it should be said that the other party can hear it. Communicate the same thing in a way that is comfortable, not because I didn’t say it’s so sad, so I don’t want to take it, but I don’t want to say that it’s an excuse to harm you, but also use it. One way to communicate with the other is to cause the other person’s discomfort. This world has never been fair. Power is controlled by people and rules are set by people. As long as people can be settled, you can solve most of the problems in the world. Comfort is not equal to dishonest or hypocritical, but the same thing, how do you express it, how to let people understand what you mean, is the point. 1. Avoid treating others with the above-mentioned tone. But if you can communicate with each other in an equal way when you are one level higher than the other party, the other party will not only feel respected, but also be more willing to communicate and cooperate with you. The above communication methods are: vertical, that is, the communication mode above or below. For example, if you say that you are good, good, and good, these seemingly positive statements will actually make you feel uncomfortable, because if the other person feels that his status is equal to you, you use this. The encouragement statement below will give you a kind of how powerful you are? a feeling of. Direct comments can also create a feeling of being up and down. For example, I think you are too…you don’t…you won’t wait. This is the experience I have experienced personally. I once had a friend who I admire and even admire. When I think that his status is higher than me, or that his ability is stronger than mine, he will use the tone of appreciation attitude. I am very happy and feel that I am sure of someone who is better than myself. But when I gradually increased my ability in the same field until I felt that he was similar to me, he still used the tone of praise to talk to me, which made me feel very uncomfortable. Of course, the following attitudes towards the speech sometimes make people feel uncomfortable. If the other person thinks that you are taller than yourself, you deliberately use the following tone to talk to each other. The other party will think that you are deliberately irritating him. . Or is it obvious that two people are equal in relationship, but you are speaking in a lower-status tone, which will also cause the other person’s embarrassment and uncomfortableness. 2. When the other party doesn’t want to hear you, please don’t be a chicken, know that everyone has their own homework. If we agree, when you don’t think you need help, the help of others will become a kind of help. To be arrogant, help becomes a kind of sympathy rather than the same reason. It is a concept of top-down. So when others don’t want or want to listen to other people’s suggestions and accept help from others at this moment, please don’t think that it’s helpful to be loyal to the person’s advice. You’re just helping yourself to create evil, and let The other party feels psychologically uncomfortable. When a person really wants to seek help and advice from others, the other party wants to listen, it is the time for you to speak. When the other party does not want to listen, you can’t listen to it even if you talk about it, but sometimes it will have a counter effect. I know that everyone has their own homework to deal with, and we also have our own, so in addition to managing their own affairs, self-righteous chicken is absolutely unnecessary. 3. Try to use metaphor as much as possible, and use questions and guide each other to give their answers. We are all human beings. Of course, there will be a subconscious rebound in criticism. Even if it is assumed that today is the other party who wants to know where his shortcomings are and wants to know from your mouth, and you know the shortcomings of the other party, the best way is not to point out the shortcomings of the other party, but to try to let him Think about yourself in terms of empathy and third person. And how to achieve this effect? There are two ways. The first one is metaphor and story. When you convert the focus of the protagonist to another character, it is easier to let the other party pull the pressure away from yourself when expounding the same truth story. Objective thinking. For example, if the other party’s shortcomings are very white, you can tell a story, apply the same situation, and the other person’s very white words, let the other person feel it if you are not very uncomfortable. The other is to use the question to guide, use the statement that you think… you will… let him put in the situation, to take care of other people’s views on himself, and avoid using the vertical communication tone to let the other party defend. Psychology. This kind of parallelism, that is, no high or no low, an equal mode of communication. 4. How do you get to know each other’s motivation first? Did you think of the consequences? Don’t you know… will…? When you use your own reason to judge other people’s behavior, if the other party’s confirmation is that they have done something wrong, it will stimulate the other party’s guilt. Once you provoke yourself to be aware of your evil source of stimuli from your own self, naturally, when others see themselves in the future, they will remember the past and want to alienate. Feel that you are not understood, and that you are guilty in your eyes. Instead of directly blaming, you must first understand each other’s motives, and the other party will not build a wall for you at the same time when you repent. What made you do this at the time? What is the reason you would want to do that? Oh, I can understand your thoughts, but maybe he doesn’t think so, and so on, can make the other party feel that they have been understood, then explain the possibility of other angles, to do rational discussion, rather than directly blaming Come well. 5. Stop for 3 seconds before speaking. Think about what you want to say. It will affect the other party. Whether you want to make a joke or say something, especially at the most relaxed moment, you have to pay more attention to it. Usually we Speaking the most hurtful words is unintentional. I even thought that I really thought that I had done it and said that it should be nothing. It might just be to make a little joke, but I didn’t expect it to make the other party very unhappy, or let the people on the scene You leave a little accumulated impression, and several times more similar situations, you have to be accidentally stereotyped. For what you say, always pay attention to it, because what you say and do, in fact, everyone is in the eyes, listening to the bottom of my heart. When people inevitably make mistakes, once they accidentally say the wrong words and do wrong things, they must immediately admit the mistakes, even if the other party may feel nothing. However, although this kind of thing happens to be small, it is terrible to accumulate slowly. Once it is accumulated, there is no way to reverse it. Everyone cares about things differently, so be very careful when you talk, and every 3 seconds before each talk is the best time for you to practice transposition thinking.